If you have been married, it’s likely that part of how you define yourself is caught up in who you were with your ex. They have a certain idea of you and you have a certain idea of who you were with them. Without them around, what does that make you?
Answer: Whoever you want.
It’s time to break the walls that have been up around you and redefine who you are.
There are several steps to getting there, so let’s get started.
1. Mourn.
Let yourself mourn your relationship and who you were in it. Even though no one has passed, it is the end of something. It is okay to feel feelings of sadness and grief. There may also be feelings of regret and anger. Whatever you are feeling, let it in and let it out.
2. Let go.
As your feelings come in and out, notice them, accept them, work through them, and then move forward. What has happened is now in the past and there is no changing it. All we can do now is learn from our past to make a better future.
3. Relax.
Relax and lighten up. Not everything is so serious. If you have kids, you may have a long to-do list or a shared to-do list that you need to hash out. There are many things to be figured out and mistakes will be made. However, the best thing to do is to be able to realize that life is short and not everything is so serious.
Laugh at yourself, smile in the face of adversity, and realize it’s okay to also be okay.
4. Redefine what makes you happy.
We do many things in relationships in order to make our partner happy. Sometimes the lines between what we like and what they like can blur. Take a moment, take several moments to rediscover what makes you happy. What matters to you?
If you can’t remember, make a list of the things you enjoyed before you were married or things that you’ve always wanted to try. Go do them.
5. Decide who you want to be.
Reinventing yourself will not happen over night. But envision the person you want to be. Think of habits that person would do every day, what they would say to themselves, how they would interact with the world, and begin doing a little bit of that every day.
You decide who you are and there is no better time than today to be the you that you were meant to be!
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