Domestic abuse. Let us breathe through the air as it just got a lot heavier in here. However, even though the topic is heavy and our breathing may have just gotten a little tighter, there are ways to clear that air so that we may breathe easy again.
First, we are going to define domestic abuse and the different types of domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse is defined as coercive, controlling behavior that is done by one person against another in a domestic setting.
This ranges from a wide variety of interactions including physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and coercion, reproductive coercion, financial abuse, and digital abuse.
Let’s define each of these.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse does not always leave marks or cause permeant damage. Physical abuse includes:
- Scratching
- Biting
- Slapping
- Punching
- Burning
- Destruction of treasured property
- Attacking or threatening to attack your loved ones or pets
- Not allowing you to sleep
- Throwing objects at you
- Attacking or threatening to attack with a weapon
- Threats or attempts against your life
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse or psychological abuse is behavior that tries to control or damage your emotional health. Emotional abuse can be verbal or non-verbal. Emotional abuse includes:
- Name-calling
- Mocking
- Humiliation
- Manipulation of children
- Belittling your opinion
- Twisting your words
- Cheating
- Intense jealousy
- Blaming others for abusive behavior
- Making you feel crazy
- Monitoring your digital activity
- Controlling where you go or when you can leave
- Yelling
Sexual Abuse & Coercion
This type of abuse is where the abuser tries to retain power and control over another sexually.
- Forcing you to dress in a certain way
- Insulting you sexually
- Forcing themselves or others on you sexually
- Forcing you to view pornography
- Hurting you during intimacy
- Demanding sex regardless of your feelings
- Disregarding your feelings during intimacy
- Manipulating you into intimate acts
Reproductive Coercion
Reproductive coercion often occurs along with other types of abuse. It refers to the abuser limiting or controlling the reproductive system of another. This type of abuse can look like:
- Refusing to use birth control, like a condom
- Breaking condom without consent
- Removing condom without consent
- Lying about birth control methods
- Forcing you not to use birth control
- Sabotaging your birth control methods
- Monitoring woman’s menstrual cycle
- Threats regarding getting pregnant and keeping the baby
- Forcing pregnancy
- Refusing previously agreed upon birth control methods
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is when the abuser causes you to completely rely on them financially. Financial abuse can look like:
- Not allowing you to go to work
- Not allowing you to attend school
- Sabotaging job opportunities
- Stalking or harassing you at work
- Jeopardizing your job with strange behavior
- Denying you access to transportation
- Denying access to banks, cards, or money in any way
- Hiding assets
- Applying for debt in your name
Digital abuse
Digital abuse is abuse that occurs along with the use of technology. This form of abuse can be verbal and/or emotional and is often exercised online. Digital abuse can look like:
- Controls who you can be friends with online
- Consistently monitors your social media accounts
- Pressures you to send explicit videos or photos
- Bombards you with texts or calls
- Uses spyware or GPS to keep tabs on you
- Talks bad about you online
- Checks your phone, tablet, or computer
- Steals or forces you to give them your passwords
- Sends you negative or threatening direct messages, texts, videos, photos, or tweets
What can you do?
If you are in a domestic abuse situation:
- If you plan to leave, do not let your abuser know.
- Create a safety plan. This refers to setting aside any necessities you could need when you decide to leave. These include money, clothing, documents, transportation, and a safe place to stay.
- Find a support group. Whether you are about to leave or just get some helpful advice on your situation, a support group is extremely helpful to help you gain perspective and feel empowered again.
- Call the 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Be careful where you call this number from if your abuser monitors your digital activity. You could use a friend’s or loved one’s cell phone to call if your phone is compromised.
- If you are in an emergency, CALL 911.
If you know someone in a domestic abuse situation:
- Don’t blame or judge them. Accept what they are telling you without judgment or criticism.
- Be supportive. Acknowledge that their situation is difficult and scary. Listen to them and let them know it is not their fault. If it is difficult for them to open up or talk about the situation, don’t push it. Let them know you are there for them.
- Encourage them to participate in activities with friends and family outside of their relationship.
- Help them create a safety plan. If they plan to stay, leave, or have already left, you can help them create a plan for any next steps they need to take and necessities they may need.
- Trust them to make the right call for them when the time is right.
- Help them find support groups, hotline numbers, or friends that can help them.
- Do not confront their abuser. This usually only makes problems worse for the victim and yourself.
- Remember, it is not your job to rescue them. It is hard to see people we
love be hurt and, of course, we want to help them. However, it is important for you to support this person with whatever decision they make and stay by their side. - CALL 911 in an emergency.
If you are in a relationship, whether it be with a family member, friend, or significant other, and you are feeling controlled, forced, manipulated, or harmed, it is important for you to get help. This help could be in the form of a loved one or in the form of therapy. We are here for you!
Are you in a domestic abuse situation?