Being a new parent is an exciting, yet daunting new adventure to embark on. There are so many questions about what the “right way” is that you should feed your baby, put your baby to sleep, even the toys you should give your baby. With all those questions, parents often put their mental health by the wayside and just try to “power through”. They believe the myths about new parenting that are out there. The truth is, new parents often suffer because of this and aren’t the parents they want to be for their children.
So for the sake of parental santiy, let’s dispell some of the major new parenting myths.
Myth #1: Only moms get postpartum depression
There is new evidence that suggests that men can also struggle from postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. The lack of sleep, anxiety, irritability, and the massive change that has now occured in their relationship and social life can take its toll.
Because of this, men often find themselves just trying to be strong for their family and hide their struggles deep down.
As new parents, it is important to remember that there is no perfect way to become a new parent. Both moms and fathers are grappling with their new reality. Therefore, it is perfectly normal to struggle. However, it is also perfectly normal to seek help. If you as a mother or father are struggling past the first few weeks, you and your partner may benefit from therapy.
Myth #2: I’m just overreacting
If you feel like something is off, you are probably right. Even if your doctor or your spouse says that you are find, listen to your instincts. As a parent, your instincts are stronger than ever. You should listen to them.
You may feel that millions of people become new parents every day, so you just need to buck up and push through. However, when it comes to your mental health and caring for a child, ignoring an issue or pushing it down is not recommended.
It is better to be proactive and speak up than to suffer in silence. The sooner you can find a solution for what is troubling you, the better parent, spouse, and individual you will be.
Myth #3: I don’t need sleep, I just need caffeine
Although with a new baby comes a new understanding of what it means to be rested, you still need to prioritize sleep. Simply substituing sleep with caffeine may only make you more anxious and irritable.
Even if it is only 10 minutes, if you have a little time for a nap, take it! Your baby, your spouse, and future self will thank you for it.
When we don’t get enough sleep, we are much more likely to be anxious, irritable, and angry. We aren’t our ideal selves without sleep.
Work on splitting duties up with your spouse and take turns with the night shift if you can. Find an arrangement that works for you so you can get the best sleep you can.
Myth #4: I’m supposed to be happy all the time
With this new bundle of joy in your life, you may feel added pressure to always feel joyous. You think of those beautiful pictures of new fathers and mothers preciously holding their sleeping baby with smiles on their faces and not a care in the world.
The reality is, being a new parent is hard. It comes with anxiety, irritability, and even some depression. It is okay not to feel happy all the time, it is okay to be frustrated, it is okay to be angry.
However, if your negative feelings are feeling overwhelming, too frequent, or troubling contact your doctor right away. A therapist may also help you to get to the root of the feelings and find the best tools to help you through.
Myth #5: A new baby makes your relationship stronger
The truth is that it can often be the opposite. Couples who rarely fought before having a baby may find themselves in the throws of disagreements daily. Whether it is because of little sleep or a disagreement on parenting style, this postpartum period is often extremely tough on relationships.
There are new stresses in your life. There is also a lot less time devoted to and receiving love from your partner. This time can be very lonely, even though you are in the trenches together.
There is no shame in admitting that you are having a time and struggling with your relationship. Perhaps you feel like your spouse is not pulling their weight or contributing like you want.
Be kind, speak up, and schedule a therapy session if you are having a hard time. There is no shame in asking for help. After all, raising a child takes a village. And, sometimes, that village includes a therapist.
Struggling as a new parent?