Making the choice to go see a therapist is one thing, however, choosing a therapist is another. It’s an incredibly important and personal decision to admit you need professional guidance about some aspect of your life. You feel vulnerable. Maybe a little excited at the opportunity to change your life. You may even feel scared about the prospect of processing life events and moving forward. When you see a therapist you are looking to talk without judgment, in a safe space. Choosing the right therapist is part of the process of making sure you get the best help available. However, many people don’t know how to “shop around.”
When you go see a therapist, you put a lot of trust in their abilities to guide you or your family on the path to wellness. However, blind faith often goes unchallenged even when intuitively you feel the therapist is “off” or you don’t feel like there’s much progress being made. There are some signs of therapist that are important to recognize. Here are some common warning signs of a bad therapist. Read some warning signs of a bad therapist below.
1. Doesn’t Understand
Sometimes therapists get caught up in the details of a patient’s story, missing the larger picture or why the story is important to the patient. They ignore the patient’s emotional content. Instead they focus on unimportant minutiae of the story or details that don’t fit in with the narrative that the therapist predicts.
Everybody, at one time or another, has nodded their heads when told something. Listening without really hearing. A good therapist will focus not so much on your words all the time, but the hidden meaning behind those words. They will hear the irrational thoughts you’re telling yourself or the emotional issues you are grappling with. Good therapists will listen not only with their ears, but also with their eyes to catch nonverbal cues. Those cues can tell a therapist a lot about the meaning of what you’re talking about.
2. Too Serious
It’s true that the best medicine is laughter. Your therapist should be able to laugh with you and help you laugh at yourself. Nonstop seriousness is not healthy. Humor is one of the largest aspects of resilience and the ability to bounce back from trauma. Yes, you will have serious sessions where you may cry. It is a form of releasing pain and can be one of the biggest forms of recovery. However, humor and light-heartedness at times is just as important too. You might benefit from looking elsewhere if you feel like your sessions are too tense, rigid, and don’t allow for humor.
3. Boundaries
First, your therapist should never engage in any kind of romantic relationship with you. They should not tease or flirt with you in any way. They are strictly prohibited from dating you. If there’s any kind of romantic attraction, they need to refer you to someone else. In addition, your cannot engage in a dual relationship with you. What does that mean? They cannot be your yoga partner and your therapist at the same time. If you’re a hairdresser or other service provider of a therapist, they cannot give you therapy sessions because they already have a relationship with you. Yes, this may sound harsh. On the other hand, it the best way to protect their objectivity and your healing. Therapists can only have one-way relationships with their clients. Anything else is not okay.
4. Qualifications
Depending on what state you are in, your therapist should hold specific degree and license requirements. You may see a M.A, PsyD, or PhD that is licensed according to the specifications required in their locality. Each state has its own board or organization that grants licenses and certifications. Certain states or provinces have their own licensing requirements, too. You’ll probably see a psychologist (Ph.D) or counselor (M.A.). Or you’re working with a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist. In that case they should have a medical degree (M.D.). There is no such thing as an unlicensed therapist. However, sometimes, you will be referred to a therapist in training. This person is one who is still being supervised and working under a licensed professional. If this occurs, the trainee should let you know as soon as you begin seeing them.
5. Price is too High
If your therapist is constantly raising rates or charging fees that are way out of line with the rate your friends are paying, you may want to switch. This is a touchy subject. Many therapists use a sliding scale in which they charge poorer patients something like $20 an hour and richer patients $100-300 or more. While all of this is perfectly legal, use your common sense and make sure you’re not being squeezed because the therapist needs money. You should be able to pay what is realistic and also affordable for your pocket. If you are paying way more than you can even afford, then this can cause you unnecessary stress and slow down your recovery.
6. Termination
Some therapists seem to act immaturely when it comes to the end of a client’s therapy with them. This may be due to retirement, change of insurance coverage, or just the belief that the therapist can no longer be of help to the patient. Some therapists end psychotherapy poorly.
Good therapists will help their clients transition to their next therapist. At the end of therapy, a termination plan should always be in place and include next steps for the client with a clear plan forward. Good therapists shouldn’t leave their client in the lurch or feeling confused about where they should turn to next for treatment.
7. Not Willing to Give Extra Time
Patients should stick to their 45 or 60 minute allowance as often as possible. If you don’t ordinarily run over your allotted time, yet find yourself finishing up a very emotional disclosure or insight and need an additional minute or two, your therapist should respect that occasional need. Therapists who ignore their client’s needs at a time like this are not looking after the best interests of their clients. An extra minute or two would definitely not kill the therapist’s time and it is reasonable to go over couple of minutes once in a while. If your therapist shuts you off or interrupts and says, “Okay, time is up. We will talk about this later.” Then this is not reasonable.
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