First things first, you are completely normal for feeling this way.  Second, realize that even though it may suck at this moment, doesn’t mean that this holiday or the ones that follow have to suck.

Here’s how to get you and your kids through the first divorced holiday:

Divorce counseling can help make this rough transition easier.

Let your children express and have feelings.

Kids do not always react right away to the news of divorce and the emotions can start flooding through at any time.  When those emotions do start coming through, there are some things you can do to help them through it:

• Reassure them that it is perfectly okay and understandable however they feel.
• Let them know they are loved, no matter what.
• Ask if there is anything that would make them feel better.
• Encourage them to keep expressing their feelings and that you take them seriously.
• Help them put their feelings into words.
• Offer support.

Put kids first.

The most important thing during the season is that you create a positive environment whenever they are around you and keep the holidays as upbeat as possible.

Celebrate together and separate.

Splitting the holiday completely or starting to switch holidays (dad gets Thanksgiving, mom gets Christmas) can often be too jolting for that first holiday after divorce. If the two parents are able and can keep the event peaceful, it can be great to negotiate some time together as a family. Maybe that just means Christmas dinner or the other parent stops by for Christmas morning. 

Coordinate gifts.

No one wants to compete and no one should.  Coordinate holiday gifts with your ex so that the children do not receive two of something or none of something.  This can make the holidays go smoother for both you, your ex, and your kids. 

Don’t speak negatively about your ex’s new life.

It can be tempting, we know it!  This can be one of the most difficult things to stay away from when you are around your children, but keeping negative words out of your mouth will reap the biggest rewards long-term.  Stay conscious about your words and hopefully your ex will follow suit.

Start new traditions.

One refreshing part of this holiday is that you can create new holiday traditions with your kids.

Here are some great examples:

• Take a pajama family picture.
• Go out for Chinese food.
• Decorate the tree while watching a favorite Christmas movie.
• Play elf on the shelf!
• Go on a trip.
• Volunteer together.

Respect old traditions.

It’s a new slate and a new year, but that doesn’t mean we have to get rid of every remnant of our previous life.  Stick to the holiday traditions that mean the most to maintain a certain amount of stability for the children and keep a constant in their lives.

Make time for FaceTime.

If your kids are away, schedule a call to check-in with them during the holiday and say hello.  Also, if there is a friend or family member that you miss or love to talk to, set a call with them to lift your spirits!

You are not alone.

You are not the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last.  There are many people who would love to be there for you and if you feel up to it, let them.  Invite a friend over, participate in your family holiday traditions, and make new traditions of your own.

Divorce counseling can help make this rough transition easier.