The moment you first hold your new baby, you can’t imagine life without them. However, suddenly, in the mere blink of an eye, your sweet bundle of joy has grown up and is ready to take a new step in their life, college. When your child first leaves the nest and heads off to college, it is undeniably a very bittersweet time for parents. We are happy and delighted that our child is starting a journey towards success. So, if we are happy, then what is the problem?
The problem is that our full-time job as our child’s immediate caregiver and protector is now changing gears. We feel like we have shifted from a full-time caregiver to a part-time one, if that. Sometimes, parents even feel like they have been fired from their caregiver/protector job. So, what do we do now? How do we cope with our empty-nesters leaving us behind?
Well, simply, we need to learn a brand new set of coping mechanisms that will help us cope with the loneliness from our empty nest. To help you on your journey towards your new life, we will discuss some techniques to help you cope as you adjust to an empty nest after your child goes to college.
1. Focus on Your Other Relationships
For the past many years, you’ve been a full-time parent. You have focused more on the needs of your child than on your own. Your primary identity has been your child’s “mother or father.” Just remember that while that fact never really changes, it doesn’t have to be your primary identity anymore.
Think about it. What other relationships have your pushed back while raising your child? If you’ve let other relationships fall to the wayside while you were raising your child, now is also a perfect time to rekindle them. Whether you and your spouse haven’t had the opportunity to connect as adults, now is the time to focus on this relationship.
Although struggling with empty nest syndrome depression and loneliness can be challenging, it also makes for the perfect opportunity to revive your romantic life and allow it to thrive. For many empty nesters, this is the first time that they can focus on themselves and their partner. For parents who are dealing with a variety of empty nest syndrome symptoms, it can mean scheduling a date night once or twice a week. Schedule enjoyable activities that include wine tasting, dancing, or cooking for one another.
Moreover, if your communication with your group of friends was based entirely on sharing parenthood experience, it would be great to refocus on your friendship and not make it all about your children. Ask yourself,” I have become an empty nester, what can I do to fill your nest?” Well, you can fill your nest by focusing on your important relationships that were put on pause button due to raising your child.
2. Reconnect with Yourself
Did you have any hobbies that you slowly gave up as parenting took over your life? For parents who have a close relationship with their children, it can be easy to focus too much attention on their kids’ lives instead of remaining present in their own. For empty nesters who are not used to living without their children, it’s important to stay busy and maintain hobbies or activities throughout the week. Meet up with friends each week to socialize and make it a priority to focus on things that you truly used to enjoy.
Being an empty nester means that you have space and time to get back in touch with that side of you. This could be include something like painting, creating music, or cooking. With all your kids’ stuff gone, there is now plenty of space to store the supplies that you need to immerse yourself in the activities that you love. Think about how you want to spend your time. Perhaps you’d like to pick up a hobby that pushed aside when you became a parent or maybe there’s something you always wanted to try but you never had time. If you aren’t sure what you’d like to do, pick a hobby and give it a try. If you find out it’s not for you, try something else. It’s a great time to explore your interests.
3. Avoid Clinginess
Empty nesters who may be struggling with the absence of their adult children in their home may find it difficult to refrain from contacting their child each day with phone calls and text messages. For many parents, this can cause them to become too clingy. This can limit the freedom and independence that the children experience as they’re learning to be on their own for the first time. Although you don’t need to feel deprived with how much you communicate, it’s important as an empty nester to set a schedule that you can both agree on to ensure that you’re not overstepping your boundaries. Consider scheduling a phone call every three days or once a week. This will allow you to have something to look forward to when you want to maintain a close relationship with the adult child. Also, always let them know they can call whenever they need to, whether it’s an emergency or they just need someone to talk to. Setting a schedule will prevent strain on the relationship. It will also create healthy guidelines, instead of wondering if you should contact them each day.
4. Seek Help
One of the main mistakes many people make when dealing with an empty household is attempting to navigate the new environment alone. Instead of trying to remain strong on your own, it’s important to seek the support of your family members and friends. Be honest and open with the emotions that you’re experiencing. This will allow you to receive helpful advice from others who have gone through the same experience. Schedule coffee dates, host dinner parties, and make it a point to strengthen the relationships that you treasure to fill the void of having a child move out of the home. You’ll be able to find comfort with those who are in the same stage of life as you and have the time to help you with the process. Moreover, seeking therapy is very beneficial when experience feelings of loneliness and anxiety.
With your busy schedule, an office visit is not always convenient. We have free online therapy at www.gateway2counseling.com. Schedule us online now for an online therapy session.
Struggling with your empty nest?