Accidentally spoiled your child? It is not usually a parent’s goal but it can sometimes be the result of loving parenting. You want to provide the best for your child and make sure they have everything that they need. Sometimes this goes awry, however, and can cause your child to become spoiled. Looking for ways to reverse this?
Here are 6 ways to unspoil your child:
1. Donate
One of the best ways to help our children be unselfish and kind is to simply talk about it. None of us are perfect, of course, but children respond incredibly quickly to the idea of charity and giving to others. You might be surprised at some of the answers and thoughts they contribute. Ask your kids to help with charity drives, such as food collection or coats for the needy. Be sure to bring up talking points with your child, such as, “Some kids can’t afford a new coat. What do you think we could do to help them?” or “You’ve outgrown your jacket from last year. Let’s donate it to help someone who doesn’t have their own coat.”
Be sure to delve into how they feel about giving and how they would feel if they didn’t have enough. Try discussing a time when your child felt hungry or cold, or even a time when they faced an emergency. Ask how they felt in that tough situation. Ask questions and talk about ways we can help others facing difficult situations or hardships. By discussing these topics, they will understand the importance of “giving” and will not take life for granted.
2. Prioritize
When your child says he wants a few things, ask him to decide which are the things he wants and which are the things that he needs. Teach him to put the needs before the wants. At the same time, teach him that sometimes even needs are not fulfilled and you have to manage till they are! Now, I’m not saying do not provide well for your child. For example, if his iPod is not working, teach him that a new iPod is a want, not need, and that he can very well do without an iPod for a couple of weeks. It will not scar your child in the long term, although that may be the exact feeling you get when he cries. Gadgets and material possessions are supposed to make our lives easy, but you do not want your child growing up a slave to these things.
3. Earnings
When kids are given things freely, they often lose the sense of value experienced when something is earned. Earning a reward brings the child a great deal of satisfaction. The next time your child asks for something, rather than caving and just handing it over, ask your child what she thinks she could do to earn the item. Discuss the price and be truthful about it. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I didn’t budget money for this, but I think we can come up with an idea together so you can earn it soon. What do you think you could do to earn enough money? “And remember: things don’t have to be the center of attention when it comes to gratification.
Earning privileges can always come in the form of activities, experiences, and trips. The journey toward a more simplified lifestyle has taught all of us the value in creativity and family time in lieu of material things. Whichever path your choose, you are probably going to face an adjustment period when you first propose these ideas. Particularly if it’s new to your child and she hasn’t been told before that she needs to earn privileges. Setting a goal with your child and then helping them work toward that goal helps them feel successful and proud. It also helps them consider how much they want an item. When they consider this, they can learn impulse control and delayed gratification. It is very important to teach children the importance of earning, because you do not want them to take these for granted. They should not be able to get everything very easily.
4. Show Gratitude
Regularly showing gratitude can change your family’s entire mindset. Encourage your kids to write thank you notes and to be sincerely gracious. This is important not only from an etiquette standpoint, but also because it teaches children to consider the positive things in their life. It also helps them to critically think and reflect on kind actions of others. When someone does something nice for your child or gives her a gift, make it a family policy to write a thank you note. It doesn’t have to be an essay. A short, simple, and sincere show of thanks is just fine. Whatever the expression, these thank you activities help kids truly acknowledge the goodness of people around them.
On a similar note, make gratitude a regular family practice. Each day at dinner, ask your kids what they were most grateful for today. Or simply ask each family member, “What was the best thing that happened to you today?” Encourage everyone in your family to express their gratitude and reflect on the people and happenings that make their life great. Don’t forget the small stuff! Making gratitude a daily practice helps keep all of us positive, not just the kids. You’ll be amazed at how these little daily additions can really change the dynamic of your entire household.
5. Teaching Coping Skills
Children often struggle measuring their emotions. They feel things deeply and their feelings can change from minute to minute! We’ve all seen children go from riotous laughter and joy to tears in what seems like seconds. The joyful part can be wonderful and delightful but the other part, well, not so much. Approach emotional turmoil with understanding.
Teaching your kids how to count to ten, deep breathe, take a personal timeout, or be able to say something like, “I need a minute to calm down” can seem almost silly at first. However, giving your kids coping tools really helps them control some of that emotional energy and make good choices. Help your kids use “I feel” statements, rather than accusatory words. In addition, ask them to identify their emotions, the cause of them, and what they see as the resolution.
6. Be an Example
While we all try to lead by example, some days are certainly better than others. Many of us struggle to articulate our emotions, focus on the positive, express gratitude, think of others, and delay gratification. However, our kids have no better role models than their parents. When we approach family life with a positive attitude, we set the tone for your household and our kids will follow eventually.
Children naturally want to please people and to be included in activities. They respond quickly to praise and positive response. Our kids might actually have a thing or two to teach us as well! Yes, we all have our spoiled and selfish moments. However, by implementing a few tactics and changing our mindset and activities to flow in a more positive direction, we can shift our entire family’s behavior and “unspoil” our kids. Like I said, give yourself a break, but try to be consistent. While it might take a while to see a big change, if you stick with it, it is definitely worth it.
Struggling to unspoil your child? Want to talk about it? At Gateway 2 Counseling we are here to help!
Struggling with a spoiled child? Learn how we can help.