Every parent has probably heard it at one time or another: “You’re going to spoil that child!” A spoiled child is every parent’s worst nightmare. You do everything you can to raise your kids with manners, discipline, and good values. Even so, sometimes they wind up spoiled rotten. The truth is, many parents end up spoiling their children without even knowing it, especially in households where both parents work. When you have limited time and energy for your kids, it’s easy to slip into a pattern of giving into their every demand.
Some parents say yes to avoid their outbursts. Others to appease the guilt for not spending more time with them. This may be a quick fix, but it can prevent them from learning crucial life lessons. Lessons such as empathy and coping with disappointment. Moreover, spoiling your children will lead to high levels of dependency in the future. They will not be able to lead their lives independently, which may cause psychological issues. Below, we discuss some signs that you are spoiling your child. Read below to discover if you may be spoiling your child.
You Never Say No
When you indulge each and every one of your children’s requests, you create a sense of entitlement on their part that can be difficult to shake. They will grow up believing they can always have everything they want in life. Worse, they will feel privileged. The child will only need to throw a temper tantrum in order to get their way. Not only is it good for your children to hear “no” on occasion, it’s necessary for them to learn how to cope with the real world. The same thing can happen if you constantly shield your kids from disappointments or mistakes. We learn from our mistakes. You never knew the stove was hot until you touched it, right? So, do not do your children a disservice by rescuing them too much.
Your Threats are Empty
In a moment of frustration or anger, it is all too easy to make threats you do not intend to keep. But the problem with empty threats is that they teach your kids not to take you seriously. The same principle applies to rules. While exceptions to a particular rule are fine (and even necessary) on occasion, it’s important to establish responsibilities and follow through with consequences. When you’re too lenient, you actually rob them of boundaries they desperately need. By flip-flopping and failing to stand your ground, they become confused about how you want them to behave. This creates a sense of anxiety around expectations and authority.
You Fulfill their Demands
Limits are absolutely necessary for everyone. Your child may not like them, but they are in their best interest. Parents must work as a team to draw limits for their children. These limits should include what they wear, the movies they watch, the friends they have, etc. As your children get older, the limits can be extended in certain areas, but until then, parents must enforce the limits or else they merely become suggestions.
You Resort to Bribery
You shouldn’t have to bribe your kids in order for them to obey your rules. Not only does this undermine your authority as a parent, but it sets them up to expect unrealistic rewards for performing necessary, everyday tasks. Instead of promising your kids new toys or allowance in exchange for cleaning their room. For example, encourage them to take pride in a job well done. Try communicating that they should clean their room because a) you expect them to, b) they’ll be able to enjoy the pleasure of a clean and organized living space and c) they’ll feel proud for doing something constructive. You should not have to bribe your children to get your way. You should be in the control, not your children.
You Do Everything for Them
As your children grow up they should become increasingly self-sufficient. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way, especially if they’re used to you doing everything for them. Little by little, start to reinforce your child’s independence and self-sufficiency by limiting the things you do for them. Teach them how to do those things and increase their responsibilities around the home. If they don’t want to comply, limit the time they spend on the computer or watching TV. “He who does not work, does not eat” is a good rule to live by in a family.
You Don’t Foster a Sense of Gratitude
When you lavish your kids with toys, clothes and other material goods without acknowledging that something has been given to them, you prevent them from understanding and practicing gratitude. It also raises unrealistic expectations and encourages them to derive joy from materialism rather than relationships and experiences. This can easily be remedied in three ways. First, be sure to thank your children when they do something for you so they understand the pleasure of being thanked. Second, demonstrate when and where it’s appropriate to say thank you to other people. It won’t be long before your children pick up on it and begin thanking people on their own. Third, resist the temptation to lavish them with gifts , especially around special occasions like birthdays or holidays. Instead, stick to one or two meaningful gifts they’ll actually appreciate.
You Let Your Child Interrupt Conversations
Although your kids may not interrupt your conversations with other adults on purpose, allowing them to do so doesn’t teach them about patience, delayed gratification, or proper modes of communication. The next time your children interrupts a conversation you’re having, try telling them they need to wait until it’s their turn to talk. Then give them your full attention. Just remember that this will only work if the rule applies to everyone, even adults. If you’re having a conversation with your kids and an adult interrupts, finish talking to your children before responding to the adult.
As any parent with limited time and energy knows, taking the easy way out can often add up to spoiled children. By resisting the temptation to give in to quick fixes and taking a more disciplined approach to parenting, you’ll encourage your kids to develop habits, skills and coping mechanisms that will help them forge positive relationships with themselves, others and the world around them.
Having trouble humbling your child? Having trouble with parenting in general? Gateway 2 Counseling is here for you in any capacity you need to help you find solutions.
Do you have a spoiled child?