Married life is fantastic, however, over time the spice can diminish. If you’ve been married more than a few years, you probably wouldn’t describe your marriage life as “spicy.” Life becomes routine, you have more responsibilities, and work can be demanding. Of course you spend time with your spouse and the love is still there but what about the fire? Even if you started out in the “habanero pepper” range, you’ve probably ended up in the “salt and pepper with a dash of Tabasco” range. Good news, you don’t have to stay there. Couples can add fun, heat, and excitement to their marriages. If you’re ready to do the same, here are some ways you and your spouse can bring spice to your marriage.
Flirt
Yes, flirt. Why? It is a good way to let your spouse know that he or she is still the “apple of your eye.” So, tell your spouse how much he or she is loved and appreciated by flirting with them. In addition, compliment your spouse on their hair, outfit, body shape, intelligence, etc. In other words, stoke your spouse’s ego. Flirting with your spouse will rekindle the sparks in your relationship by making him or her feel “special.” So, the next time you are in a formal or serious environment together – wink at your spouse and whisper “I love you.” Or, when your spouse steps out of the shower in the mornings – tell them how good their physique looks. Your spouse will eat up the praise, and as a result, you will feel closer to each other than ever before.
Plan something exciting
Do what works for you and your spouse. Plan a weekend getaway, even if that’s just at home. Let the kids spend a few days with their grandparents while the two of you sit around the house, drink wine, and watch movies. Or if your budget allows, go on a second honeymoon. The main objective is to get one on one time with your spouse in a new and exciting environment. And yes, being in your home without the kids can be new and exciting.
Embrace spontaneity
All relationships need spontaneity. Lucky for you, being spontaneous is really simple. Kiss your partner passionately for no reason at all. Go out on the town just because you feel like it. Or surprise your spouse with a hot date. Don’t always look for a reason to do something. Sometimes it’s fun to go out for dinner just because you feel like it. Not micromanaging every aspect of your lives together allows for more flexibility and opportunities for fun. Who says sex has to be reserved for the bedroom, or that seeing a movie is only for a Friday night? Learn to live in the moment. It could take you to some very, very good places!
Get Dressed Up
Comfort comes with being married. Because of this, less effort is put into appearance. Of course it is great to know that your partner loves you no matter what. However, dressing up reignites the physical attraction you had when you first met. Increasing physical attraction gives the relationship that wonderful new feeling. Best of all, putting in the extra effort to look your best will make your partner feel special because you did it for them.
Ditch the Distractions
Put down your iPhone, get off of Facebook, and start giving each other your undivided attention again. First step: Make sure that you are always looking your spouse in the eyes when you are speaking to them. This seemingly simple gesture promotes intimacy and trust. Newlyweds know the value in making one another feel special and attended to. Don’t rush to end the conversation so you can do something else. Showing that you are genuinely interested in talking and listening will draw you both closer. Who knows? Maybe all that eye contact will lead to something spicy and involving a lot less talk!
Show Some Appreciation
When you first got hitched, showering your husband with appreciation and love was probably a given. But after a while, the novelty of him mowing the lawn wore off and his actions sometimes went unnoticed. Well, it’s time to get back to basics and start incorporating “please” and “thank you” into your daily dialogue. Showing your support and approval is key for a healthy marriage. It’s important that you go out of your way to remind him that you appreciate all that he does, even if it’s something simple like walking the dog or washing the dishes.
Change of Scenery
If you are really ready to take some risks and shake up your marital life, more specifically your intimate life, try different things in various places. What I mean is try being intimate in different places around your home (obviously the kids have long been in bed at this point). Ever tried the kitchen? Back porch (no pun intended)? Coffee table? In order to spice up your intimate life and create some excitement, sometimes switching environments can do the trick. Well, not just sometimes. I would say nine times out of ten, it will put an edge back into your romantic times that wasn’t there before…trust me.
Complimenting
Do you tell your husband or wife that you love them every day? Well, good. What about complimenting your spouse at times when they aren’t expecting it? Or most importantly, when they really need it? Don’t just make it a normal compliment either, like “you look nice”…try to make it something that really makes them feel special about themselves. Whether husband or wife, everyone likes to hear that they are special and in what way from time to time.
For instance, compliment your husband’s arms. Tell him that they make you feel safe. Or remind him how sexy he is when he’s feeling down. Guys – tell your wife how truly beautiful she is and how turned on you get when you think about her! Showing your love and desire is definitely necessary for a successful intimate marriage; however, saying how you feel is important, too. Let’s not forget that we use words for one reason, to express what we are thinking and feeling. And if you use the right words, you may just ignite your spouse’s passion for you again!
Relax Together
Another excellent way to “jazz up” your marriage once you have children is to relax together. In other words, once the children have fallen to sleep for the night, retreat to your bedroom for “mommy and daddy time.” Take a hot shower together, slip into something sexy, cute, or comfortable, open a glass of champagne or wine, or pop open a can of beer, climb into bed, and snuggle, talk, watch television, play adult games, make love, and or “spoon.” In other words, do what makes you and your spouse happy.
If you want to really “spice up” the time you have together, give each other personal massages complete with candles, aromatherapy oils, dimmed lights, and soft music. Take your time and enjoy this private moment together. Relaxing together will ease your stress, reduce your tension, and serve as foreplay, if you so desire.
Are you having trouble reigniting the passion in your relationship? Is there something standing in between or are there walls up that need tearing down? Whatever the case is, a therapist can help you get to where you want to be. Gateway 2 Counseling is here for you whenever you need it, we are just a phone call away!
Struggling with your marriage?