Love makes the world go ’round. Crazy love. What’s love got to do with it? Just about EVERYTHING!
What better month to talk about love than February. Love at first sight, unrequited love, heartbreak love and unconditional love. It seems that mentioning these kinds of love are only the tip of the iceberg. Love is powerful and has the potential to bring happiness. But used in the wrong way, it can cause a great deal of pain.
How many ways can we define love? Poets, writers and artists have tried expressing love through the ages. We fall in love, we are in love, we have love of family, friends, music, books and animals. We can love our jobs, sports teams and cars. We still feel love for those who have gone before us. Of course, not all of these “loves” have the same intensity as falling in love with another person.
Love is continually studied in hopes of coming up with one answer. One professor of Psychology from University of Wyoming, has spent his entire career researching love. Robert J. Sternberg, initially believed that love could be defined with use of a triangle showing 3 main areas of love. This is not a “love triangle” per se but the shape of the triangle helps define Sternberg’s research.
The top point is Intimacy which defines a love relationship through closeness, warmth and comfort. The lower right side denotes Commitment. This is where we decide to stay in the relationship. Short term, we make a decision to love another person. Long term, we commit to staying in the relationship and maintaining the love. This motivates us to experience a passionate loving relationship. Passion, as shown on the lower left side, is the romance, the physical attraction and the sexual consummation in the relationship.
Each component of the triangle show the different aspects of love at its extreme. There are some love relationships that do not have all 3 components. Depending on the stage of life you are in, relationships can exist without all 3 aspects.
Later in Sternberg’s research, he determined that we come into relationships with our own love story. We began learning about love from our parents during infancy. As children, we love our caregivers unconditionally. We depend on them for everything. It is only later than we come to know that there are different ways to love and be loved. If not loved well during early childhood, we have the option to learn on our own through self -help books or counseling.
Why do some love stories work and others do not? Since we all have a different story, it helps to find a partner with a similar story. When you find that partner, chances are you will both be happier and committed to the relationship. Can you identify your own love story?
Love lost in death have enormous pain. That pain makes it difficult to remember how much you were loved. Not in the physical sense but deep in your heart. Death cannot take that away. Loving and being loved is one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive.
Love changes each of us and if a relationship wasn’t long term, we have grown from it. Treasure that growth and move on. Choose to live in the moment, today, right now. Alexander Graham Bell noted that if we spend so much time contemplating our last relationship or focus on one in the future, we miss the possibilities that surround us here in this very moment. Now, we all know that when a relationship ends, we should take some time to understand what went right, what went wrong and how can we grow. Learn from them but don’t stay there.
Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Learn how to find your love.
If you haven’t noticed, during the month of February, we are bombarded by advertisement telling us how to show love. In fact, we are made to feel guilty if we don’t buy the chocolates, love cards and flowers. Ads tell us that this is the way to express our love. While it is nice to give and receive such gifts, there are many other ways to express love that aren’t so costly. This writer believes that the expression of love is appropriate year round. Small acts of kindness show the other person how much you care. A kind note, better listening, a phone call to say hello can someone feel loved. Have you ever done something unexpected that made your partner feel special? Those gestures are priceless and not soon forgotten.
Love is universal, making it possible to love in many ways. As mentioned earlier, We love our families. Since they were our first experience with love, hopefully they taught us how to respect and love another person. We love our children and try our best to express that through providing a warm, safe environment where they can grow into self sufficient, responsible adults.
If you were not given the proper kind of love as a child and you aren’t sure about being a good parent, there are many ways you can learn good skills. In today’s world, we are fortunate to have choices on how to better ourselves. Don’t let yourself miss another moment of experiencing a healthy kind of love with family, friends and yourself!
Some of us are crazy in love with our pets. Pets provide true unconditional love that knows no boundaries. We are their whole world and they look up to us with gratitude and complete loyalty. Cherish this devotion by showing love to your pet. Provide food, shelter and safety to your loyal friend. If you are lucky, you may be rewarded with a loud purr or a big, sloppy kiss.
Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Learn how to find your love.
If we surround ourselves by trusted, loyal friends, then we learn love of an extended family. Sometimes our immediate families become judgmental of us; they get mad and refuse to support our decisions or choices. This is when your true friends step up to the plate and say “we have your back” and we love you. Those are the kind of people you want and need in your inner circle. Cultivate these relationships.
Some of us are lovers of love, and lovers of life. As noted in January’s blog, to experience the beauty that surrounds us, take a deep breath, open your eyes and actually see. There are things that make us feel good such as creating homes filled with objects that we love. These items go along way in expressing self love and make the difference between having a house or a home. If you haven’t already done so, make your home a sanctuary by filling it with objects you love. Create calmness, safety and warmth for yourself. The world is fast, busy and noisy so make your home a place you love to come home too.
The world itself is beautiful. Nature created a breathtaking view of love in constant motion if we just open our eyes and see. The snow, the rain, the wind and the smell of clean fresh air. Maybe you aren’t fond of all of these especially if you are experiencing too much of one or not enough of the other. Think of budding flowers, spring showers and green grass. Who can’t remember loving some of these wondrous creations?
To travel is to experience the excitement of cultures, languages, people and seeing the places you’ve only read about. Many love these experiences. Travel today is possible for most everyone. Challenge yourself to visit a place you’ve never been. Do not go expecting everything to be as it is in Texas or in America. Go with open eyes to appreciate and celebrate our sameness and differences. Each one of us can be a diplomat in showing others how an American person really is; not a politician but a human being from America interacting with another human being from another state or country. Most Americans are filled with love and will be great representatives of this country. These new experiences will open your heart and fill it with love. Then you can pass it on!
Isn’t it better to nourish and feel that wonderful feeling of love than to waste a moment feeling negative, angry or closed? No doubt relationships are one of the hardest lesson in life to learn. They can be wondrous, frustrating or make you feel on top of the world. Would you want to live without love? Is it worth the risk? Only you can answer that question.
Finally, author Brene Brown, says of love, “Courage is a heart word. Be brave. Love hard.”
If you need help in finding your love, we are just a click away. Online counseling is affordable and available anywhere, anytime. Please, enter our gates to a brighter tomorrow at www.gateway2counseling.com
Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Learn how to find your love.